DOG PHILOSOPHY and ART OF LIVING

SHERRY FETCHING THE NEWSPAPER FOR ME

My Friend, Philosopher and Guide

SHERRY & THE ART OF LIVING

Food for Thought

By

VIKRAM KARVE

If you want to learn the Art of Living just observe the way animals live and react to situations.

For me, my pet Doberman girl Sherry is my best teacher in the Art of Living.

Please see her picture with me alongside and above, fetching the morning newspaper from the compound gate for me. As you can see Sherry is DobermanX – the “X” factor is probably a Rampur Hound.

Sherry behaves spontaneously, joyfully, based on her inner instinct.

She plays, she barks, she chases, she eats and she sleeps in accordance with her natural instinct.

Sherry doesn’t need to go to gym [for physical fitness] or a therapist [for mental fitness].

Sherry is not a Goal Oriented person. She is an Inner Resource Oriented person – in short, a Source Oriented person.

Conventional wisdom teaches us to become goal-oriented. From childhood there are goals set for us to achieve, and when we achieve one goal there is always another goal waiting for us – it is an endless pursuit, a chase which never culminates.

We are taught that a goal oriented person is a person who always succeeds in life. But is there a final destination of success? Do you ever reach your final goal?

Goals are always outside you, goals are in the future, far away from you. Your goals are not in your control. If you design your lifestyle in such a way that your happiness depends on things outside you, things in the future and not in your control, then you may find happiness elusive and you may never be truly content and happy. If you are too result-oriented – you’ll always be chasing horizons.

Remember, if you run after something it runs away from you, and, conversely, if you run away from something it runs after you – so stop running and life a more Source-Oriented life.

Look inwards, discover and harness your inner resources, act instinctively and you will realize your full creative potential.

Like Sherry, you will live spontaneously, unpredictably, act on the spur of the moment and experience the joy of the glorious uncertainties of life rather than get frustrated by them.

You will live a more stress free life too. Have you seen wild animals suffering from stress? [Maybe some domesticated pet animals are stressed-out because we humans put stress on them by imposing our “goals” and demands on the poor hapless pets].

We have become so preoccupied with achieving success that our lives are always heading towards something in the future. In the process, we lose touch with the aliveness and delight of the present. Sherry does not worry about the future, about achieving future goals, but live in the present.

Sherry does not live in the past either. She is very forgiving – even if I scold her, which I never need to do, she is back to her cheerful self in a jiffy and doesn’t hold any grudges either.

Anger is a reality. It happens inside us. Goal Oriented behaviour may result in us suppressing our anger creating stress within us.

Here is a lesson I got one morning from Sherry in Anger Management by Source Oriented living.

Our spacious bungalow, located high up on a hill slope, affords a beautiful panoramic view of the verdant wide green expanse of Girinagar all around.

This morning while we strolled on our lawn sipping rejuvenating cups of piping hot amruttulya tea in the lovely mist and slight drizzle, I noticed Sherry standing alert at the bungalow gate looking intently, focussing on something outside, and gradually getting angry, as evident from her focussed eyes, slow growls, heightened breathing, stiff upright tail and vivid line of hair standing taut on the centre of her neck and back, hackles raised.

I walked towards the gate and looked outside – the object of her attention was a huge white cat that was walking nonchalantly towards the gate, almost defiantly. The moment the cat came close, Sherry suddenly lost her temper, started barking, violently jumping, infuriated with anger, desperately pleading with me to open the gate. The cat stopped dead in her tracks and crouched, and I knew that if I let Sherry out, she would desperately, frenziedly chase the cat down the hill, and if she caught the cat, there would ensue a violent fight to the finish, and most likely it would be the cat who would be finished.

So I just walked away and Sherry realized that I wasn’t going to open the gate, went so wild with rage, that she ran amok, running wildly all round the spacious compound, taking high speed runs, jumping over hedges, barking, chasing, leaping at birds, running fast at top speed round and round the bungalow, till she was totally exhausted, after which she went to her water bowl, lapped up cold soothing water, and lay down on her rug in a cosy manner, calm, tranquil, totally relaxed, her anger totally dissipated and dissolved into peaceful serenity.

That’s what one must do when angry, isn’t it? If you do get angry, get totally and physically angry and dissipate your anger - don't supress your anger.

Let me tell you it works - the moment you sense anger rising within you start exercising, run, jog, take a brisk walk, dance, move your limbs, sway, do something.

Spontaneously do some physical activity till your anger dissipates and exhausts itself into a state of calm.

So, Dear Reader, the next time you start getting angry, do what Sherry does – just start running till your anger disappears and you collapse into a cosy state of peaceful calm and tranquillity.

There is a lot to learn about the “Art of Living” from our animal friends, isn’t it?

So just behave naturally, spontaneously, doing you’re your inner voice and instinct tells you, observe fauna and flora around you, and most importantly, get a pet dog and make him or her your friend, philosopher and guide.

I’ll end with a quote on dogs from Sigmund Freud:

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate in their object-relations -- Sigmund Freud

So here is a Bow Wow – and may you live a more doglike life!

VIKRAM KARVE

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Get Rid of Frustration

PATHS TO FRUSTRATION

[Musings]

By

VIKRAM KARVE


Frustration can be a major cause of stress in your daily life and it may be worthwhile to ponder on the various reasons for your frustration.

Well, here is one.

People often become frustrated when they must choose between their personal desires and pleasing other people.

There are five basic ways people react in such situations of conflict between personal goals versus interpersonal relationships and each type of response can be a source of frustration.

EGOIST: First of all, a person may pursue his personal desires and forget about interpersonal relationships. The individual so described would be the EGOIST who cares little about stepping on others as long as he or she gets to the top of the ladder or achieves his or her personal goals. An Egoist’s frustration emanates from the displeasure of others. The others may outwardly smile at him because of his power but they secretly would like to “stab him in the back” and the egoist knows this and it inwardly pricks his conscience deep inside.

ALTRUIST: Second, a person may try to please everyone by setting aside his own aspirations. This individual is afflicted by “The Disease to Please” and is a person who can never say “NO”. His frustration results from lack of personal achievement and the realization that complete altruism is not always self-satisfying.

WHEELER-DEALER: Third, a person may try to achieve all his ambitions and simultaneously please everyone. This person is the typical “Wheeler-Dealer”. He is maximally frustrated, since it is virtually an impossible task to be all things to all people and please everyone, including his own self, all the time in all situations.

HERMIT: Fourth, a person may decide to be an ostrich and bury his head in the sand. This describes the HERMIT. He also becomes very frustrated because he achieves nothing and pleases no one, not even himself.

COMPROMISER: Fifth and finally, one may choose to go halfway. Such a person is the compromiser or the person who can’t seem to make up his mind. But even he is frustrated because he may sacrifice worthwhile personal goals or fail really to please some important people, since he has decided on a middle course.



WORK OUT YOUR OWN SOLUTION:

Dear Reader, sit in silent solitude, close your eyes, reflect, introspect, think of your recent situations of conflict between your personal desires and pleasing others.

Are you an egoist, altruist, wheeler-dealer, hermit or a compromiser?

Or are you somewhere in between?

Do you change with different personal desires and different people, or is your behaviour consistent with everyone?

You have to work out own solution; understanding yourself is the first step.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.


http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

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How to get a Good Friend

Agape Love – If You need a Friend get a Dog

By

VIKRAM KARVE


I still remember the apt quote from Gordon Gekko [Michael Douglas] in the classic movie “Wall Street”: If you need a friend, get a dog.

It is true – if you need a genuine loving friend just get a dog.

Tell me, what is the highest form of love?

I’ll tell you, it is called Agape Love – the totally pure and selfless love of one person for another.

Do you want to experience this highest form of love, agape love?

Simple, just get yourself a pet dog, a nice cute little puppy, and make a commitment to look after it as your own child.

You will learn The Art of Friendship from your dog.

There is nothing to surpass the strong affection, warm attachment, unselfish loyalty, total trust and true friendship of a pet dog who will love you unconditionally for its entire life.

You will love to come home to the enthusiastic greeting and genuine welcome that your dog will give you each time you return home which will fill you with love and joy.

Your pet dog will give you loyal jovial companionship and unquestioning affection forever, fill you with buoyant happiness and your life will become bright and breezy.

Remember, your girlfriend or boyfriend may dump you, your spouse may divorce you, your children may abandon you, your parents may disown you, your relatives may distance themselves from you, your colleagues may shun you, your neighbours may ostracize you, but your dog will always love you, be loyal to you and never leave your side – yes, you may get rid of your dog, but your dog will always love you and never leave you of its own accord.

In fact, investing your time and love in your dog is much more rewarding than wasting time, money and emotional effort indulging in unrequited romances and infructuous relationships.

Once the dog joins your family, invest your love and time to build a special bond that only a dog can offer and see how your dog makes you learn and practice the Art of Loving and the Art of Friendship.

Just go ahead. Get a pet dog. You’ll be happy you did and your life will change forever.

There is plenty of choice – whether you live in the city or the mofussil, in an apartment or bungalow, whatever your lifestyle, age and state of health, there is always a type of dog which will suit your personality and lifestyle. I’ll tell you more about that later – on what type of dog will suit your lifestyle.

Bow Wow!

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

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Zest for Life, Passion for Learning & Thirst for Knowledge

HOW TO REMAIN YOUNG

Anti Ageing Formula

By

VIKRAM KARVE


There are a number of retired senior citizens in the colony where I live in Pune. Yes, there are large numbers of pensioners in Pune though Pune is no longer a pensioners’ paradise.

I have noticed one intriguing thing. Though most are of the same chronological age, some are “young” and some are “old”.

Further observation reveals the formula for remaining young: Zest for Living and Passion for Learning is the best anti-ageing recipe that keeps you young forever.

Look around you and you will see what I mean. There are many oldie-goldies who are living life to the fullest and always eager to learn new things and there are also others who have no “juice” left in them as they have lost the spirit to enjoy learning with enthusiasm and relish the pleasures of life to their utmost.

I know a “young” senior citizen who, after retirement, started learning classical music from the scratch, enjoyed studying for 10 years till he completed his sangeet alankar, living life to the fullest in epicurean style – good food, music, concerts, plays, movies, travel, picnics, swimming, trekking, playing with his dogs, social work, you name it – he did it; and with the advent of internet he is enjoying moments exploring the mysteries of the web, learning new things and latest technologies, actively blogging with passionate fervour, and with gusto doing all sorts of learning activites, creative writing, surfing, social networking, making virtual friends, teaching music – for him variety is the spice of life.

He lives a delightfully active life, loves the company of youngsters and has the enthusiasm and energy of a child – and though in his late seventies he is “younger” than even those chronologically many years his junior and it is his zest for life, passion for learning and thirst for knowledge that keeps him healthy, happy and youthful.

Remember you are as old as you feel, not as old as you look, or as old as you chronologically are.

I will end this piece with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi:

Live as if you are going to die tomorrow
Learn as if you are going to live forever.

It is breathtakingly simple to remain young, Dear Reader. All you’ve got to do is to have a zest for living, passion for learning and “Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, learn as if you are going to live forever!”



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

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MEDITATIONS ON A MONDAY MORNING

by

VIKRAM KARVE



Some things are under our control, others are not. Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible .

…Epictetus




Thoughts play a very important role in your life, whereas your feelings can make or break you; also affecting the lives of others around you.

We often let our attitudes or feelings govern our lives. We let feelings drive our thoughts, not realizing that thoughts drive actions, actions produce results, and results in turn produce more feelings, causing a vicious circle which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

Feelings are not totally controllable, as many times feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control, and if negative feelings are allowed to drive our thoughts and actions, then undesirable results emanate.

These undesirable results in turn produce further not-so-good feelings, and the vicious cycle continues. This is true for any unpleasant or negative feelings, like anger, envy, disgust or hatred, which tend to drive our thoughts and actions, and quickly take charge of our lives.

An analysis of other options indicates that neither actions nor results are suitable alternative drivers since they also are not totally controllable and will not always be pleasing.

The best solution is to establish ‘thought’ as the driver is because it is controllable and we can get good results. Moreover there is a matter of choice. It is in our control to think good and interesting thoughts. The happiest person is he or she who thinks the most interesting and good thoughts.

The human mind cannot totally prevent poor quality thoughts from arising, but it can choose whether or not to dwell on them. The mind moves from dwelling on poor quality thoughts by selecting alternative beneficial or pleasant thoughts to focus on.

Choosing to be driven by thoughts and then controlling those thoughts allows the best possible results. Positive thoughts lead to good performance (action), which yields desirable results, which in turn produces good feelings.

Good feelings are conducive to better thoughts and progressively this cycle facilities a high degree of self-control and feeling of happiness.

When good thoughts are combined with good potential the results can be remarkable. Thus, the very basis of self-control is refusing to allow our feelings to control our responses and dwelling instead on good, pleasant, joy-producing positive thoughts.

Develop and apply your skill to control your thoughts. That is the key to a happy and healthy life.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work


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STRESS - Avoid it

COPING WITH STRESS

by

VIKRAM KARVE


First you create stress within yourself, and then try to “manage” it.

Funny, isn’t it?

Why not prevent stress in the first place? Focus on “stress prevention” rather than “stress management”.

Here is a tip on coping with stress.

Long back, sometime in the 1960’s, when I was a small boy, my father took me to visit Belur Math, and there I acquired a tiny pocket book called “Thus Spake Vivekananda”.

Whenever the chips were down, or I felt dejected, I referred to the inspiring gems of wisdom, distilled from the complete works of Swami Vivekanada, for instant motivation and strength.

Here’s one of those gems of wisdom [a phrase from the sayings of Swami Vivekananda]:

Anything that makes you weak physically, intellectually, and spiritually, reject as poison.

I feel that the word “weak” is all encompassing and embraces anything that creates in you a stressful situation like all negative emotions and feelings including anger, irritation, infuriation, frustration, despondency, depression, demoralization, unhappiness – anything that disturbs your inner tranquility and equanimity, drains you emotionally and intellectually, besides literal physical weakness.

Oh yes, Stress is weakness, Stress is Poison!

Now sit down in a quiet tranquil place, close your eyes, introspect, and try to think of all the things that make you feel negative – all your stress-creators and stressful situations. These stress-creators and stress facilitators can be a variety of things:Toxic or incompatible persons, who irritate, annoy and hassle you, Foods and beverages which don’t suit you and are physically detrimental, Stressful activities, which initially may appear pleasurable, but actually drain you out, and many avoidable Stress Creating Situations,Technology and gadgets, like your cell-phone, which disturb your peace of mind,Strained relationships, which are a source of stress,and many more such things - just sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and think of all the things and entities that create or foster stree in you. Make an exhaustive list of all the things that make you “weak” and try to reject them as “poison”.

At first you may be a bit skeptical about this approach, but when you start implementing, you’ll be surprised how much it is in your own control to prevent stress.While you reject the things that make you weak, you must also reinforce the things that make you feel "strong" and positive.

So simultaneously, reflect and contemplate, and make a list of things which give you strength and joy, make you happy and productive – all the things and people that create positive feelings in you – and try to devote as much time and energy to these positive things that give you strength and make you feel good.

When you spend most of your time doing "happiness-creating" activities and try to be in the company of persons who make you feel happy, things that make you feel "strong", you will be infused with positive feelings of joy and there will be no place for stress to enter your life, at least in those joyful moments.

This technique of stress prevention works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too.You will realise that this way of conquering stress and banishing it from your life is so effective probably because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.


VIKRAM KARVE

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NEURO LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING and ART OF LIVING

NLP ANCHORS IN DAILY LIFE

How I Quit Smoking

By

VIKRAM KARVE



Whenever I undergo any training or course, I try and apply the concepts and skills I learn during the program upon myself in order to ascertain efficacy of the training for I firmly believe in the time-tested adage that “The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating”.

Thus, the first thing I decided after completing NLP Practitioner Training was to try and apply the concepts I had learnt and imbibed on myself.

NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming.

Sounds complicated and high falutin, isn’t it?

Actually NLP is quite simple – let’s see how I applied it in my daily life.

At that point in time, I was a smoker. I had tried to quit smoking many times with little success. Now I’d try a simple concept from NLP on myself to give up smoking.

I succeeded beyond my expectations and gave up smoking in just one day.

I conquered the craving, the urge, for smoking and never suffered any “withdrawal symptoms”.

I quit smoking forever in one go.

Let me describe to you, Dear Reader, that red letter day of my life.

I woke up early in the morning, as usual, made a cup of tea, and the moment I took a sip of the piping hot delicious tea, I felt the familiar crave for my first cigarette of the day.

I had identified my first “Smoking - Anchor” – Tea.

I kept down the tempting cup of tea, made a note of the craving [anchor] in my diary, quickly heated a glass of water in the microwave oven, completed my ablutions, stepped out of my house, and embarked upon my customary morning constitutional brisk walk-cum-jog deeply rinsing and cleansing my lungs with pure refreshing morning air, which made me feel on top of the world.

I felt invigorated and happy. I had overcome my craving and not smoked my first cigarette of the day.

Returning refreshed from my brisk bracing morning walk, I stopped to pick up the newspaper, and spotted my friends ‘N’ and ‘S’ across the road beckoning me for our customary post-walk tête-à-tête with tea and cigarettes at our favorite the tea-stall.

Here lurked my second “Smoking - Anchor” – my smoker friends.

I felt tempted, but I steeled my resolve.

I waved out to my smoker friends, turned away and briskly headed home.

They must have thought I’d gone crazy, but it didn’t matter – I had avoided my second cigarette of the day.

That’s what I was going to do the entire day. Be aware, look inwards, fully cognizant and mindful in order to ensure that I identify all the stimuli that triggered in me the urge to smoke – my “smoking anchors” which could be anything, conscious and unconscious, internal and external, tangible or intangible – people, situations, events, feelings, smells, emotions, tendencies, moods, foods, social or organizational trends, practices, norms, peer-pressure.

Then I would conquer and triumph over these stimuli, demolish these negative “smoking-anchors” and establish and reinforce new positive “healthy” non-smoking anchors using a Technique called Force Field Analysis.

I’ll tell you more about Force Field Analysis later. You can read about this technique in my blog too:

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/11/force-field-analysis-an-effective-management-tool.htm


Dear Reader, read on and see how my first non-smoking day progressed.

After breakfast, I didn’t drink my usual cup of coffee – a strong “smoking anchor” which triggered in me a strong irresistible craving and desperate desire to smoke.

I drank a glass of cold bland milk instead, and thereby averted my third cigarette of the day.

It was nine as I reached my workplace and I had not smoked a single cigarette. In fact, I had not smoked my customary three cigarettes!

It was a long day ahead and I had to be cognizant, observe myself inwardly and devise strategies to tackle situations that elicited craving for smoking – recognize and conquer my “smoking anchors”.

Anchoring is a naturally occurring phenomenon, a natural process that usually occurs without our awareness.

An anchor is any representation in the human nervous system that triggers any other representation.

Anchors can operate in any representational system (sight, sound, feeling, sensation, smell, taste).

You create an anchor when you unconsciously set up a stimulus-response pattern.

Response [smoking] becomes associated with [anchored to] some stimulus; in such a way that perception of the stimulus [the anchor] leads by reflex to the anchored response [smoking] occurring.

Repeated Stimulus–Response [SR] action reinforces anchors and this is a vicious circle, especially in the context of “smoking anchors”.

The trick is to identify your “smoking anchors”, become conscious of these anchors and ensure you do not activate them.

And then transcend from the SR Paradigm to the SHOR Paradigm to set and fire new positive anchors.

What’s SHOR?

SHOR stands for Stimulus-Hypothesis-Options-Response – do read the article on SHOR Paradigm in my blog:

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/09/the-shor-paradigm.htm


The moment I reached office I saw my colleague ‘B’ eagerly waiting for me, as he did every day.

Actually the freeloader was eagerly waiting to bum a cigarette off me for his first smoke of the day. “I only smoke other’s cigarettes” was his motto!

I politely told him I had quit smoking and told him to look for a cigarette elsewhere.

He looked at me in disbelief; taunted, jeered and badgered me a bit, but when I stood firm, he disappeared.

I had not smoked my fourth cigarette of the day!

I removed from my office my ashtray, my lighter, all vestiges of smoking, declared the entire place a no-smoking zone and put up signs to that effect.

The working day began. It was a tough and stressful working day. I was tired and suddenly my boss called me across to his office and offered me a cigarette.

I looked at the cigarette pack yearningly, tempted, overcome by a strong craving, desperate to have just that “one” cigarette.

Nothing like a “refreshing” smoke to drive my blues away and revitalize me – the “panacea” to my “stressed-out” state!

It was now or never!

I politely excused myself on the pretext of going to the toilet, but rushed out onto the terrace and took a brisk walk rinsing my lungs with fresh air, and by the time I returned I had lost the craving to smoke and realized that physical exercise is probably the best antidote – a positive “non-smoking” anchor – and, of course,

I had not smoked my fifth cigarette of the day!

It was the famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus who said:

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.”

We often let our feelings set our anchors, govern our lives. We let feelings drive our thoughts, not realizing that thoughts drive actions, actions produce results, and results in turn produce more feelings, reinforce anchors, causing a vicious circle which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

Such “feeling-anchors” not totally controllable, as many times feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control, and if negative feelings are allowed to drive our thoughts and actions, then undesirable results emanate.

The best solution is to establish “thought-anchors” as drivers of your actions.

It is well within your control to think positive, good and interesting thoughts.

In fact, the happiest person is the one who thinks the most interesting and good thoughts, isn’t it?

That’s the essence of NLP.

Reprogram your anchors, recondition your mind, control your own life, change for the better and enhance your plane of living.

You can use this simple NLP concept of anchors to get rid of your addictions, bad habits and to live a better life.

This technique works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too.

Maybe it is so effective because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@sify.com

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

HOW TO MANAGE ANGER

HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER

By

VIKRAM KARVE



My pet Doberman girl Sherry is my best teacher in the Art of Living.

[Actually she is a Doberman X – a cross between a Rampur Hound father and a Doberman mother].

This morning she gave me a lesson in Anger Management.

Our spacious bungalow, located high up on a hill slope, affords a beautiful panoramic view of the verdant wide green expanse of Girinagar all around.

This morning while we strolled on our lawn sipping rejuvenating cups of piping hot amruttulya tea in the lovely mist and slight drizzle, I noticed Sherry standing alert at the bungalow gate looking intently, focussing on something outside, and gradually getting angry, as evident from her focussed eyes, slow growls, heightened breathing, stiff upright tail and vivid line of hair standing taut on the centre of her neck and back, hackles raised.

I walked towards the gate and looked outside – the object of her attention was a huge white cat that was walking nonchalantly towards the gate, almost defiantly. The moment the cat came close, Sherry suddenly lost her temper, started barking, violently jumping, infuriated with anger, desperately pleading with me to open the gate. The cat stopped dead in her tracks and crouched, and I knew that if I let Sherry out, she would desperately, frenziedly chase the cat down the hill, and if she caught the cat, there would ensue a violent fight to the finish, and most likely it would be the cat who would be finished.

So I just walked away and Sherry realized that I wasn’t going to open the gate, went so wild with rage, that she ran amok, running wildly all round the spacious compound, taking high speed runs, jumping over hedges, barking, chasing, leaping at birds, running fast at top speed round and round the bungalow, till she was totally exhausted, after which she went to her water bowl, lapped up cold soothing water, and lay down on her rug in a cosy manner, calm, tranquil, totally relaxed, her anger totally dissipated and dissolved into peaceful serenity.

That’s what one must do when angry, isn’t it? Let me tell you it works - the moment you sense anger rising within you start exercising, run, jog, take a brisk walk, dance, move your limbs, sway, do something.Just do some physical activity till your anger dissipates and exhausts itself into a state of calm.

So, Dear Reader, the next time you start getting angry, do what Sherry does – just start running till your anger disappears and you collapse into a cosy state of peaceful calm and tranquillity.

There is a lot to learn about the “Art of Living” from our animal friends, isn’t it?



VIKRAM KARVE

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http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

Self Help How to Manage your Time by Vikram Karve

SELF HELP

TIME MANAGEMENT

by

VIKRAM KARVE


Unless time is managed properly, nothing worthwhile can be accomplished.

Time is unique resource. It is indispensable, intangible, irreplaceable, irretrievable and therefore invaluable.

It is equitably and uniformly distributed. Time is free for all, time doesn't cost any money to buy. The rich, the poor, the powerful and the weak, all get the same amount of time.

A day of every one consists of 24 hours only, no more and no less.

Every piece of work requires time. Difficult tasks may require ample time; after all Rome was not built in a day.

Time does not obey the laws of ordinary arithmetic.

4 minutes today and 3 minutes tomorrow do not add up to 7 minutes at a stretch. Time without energy has not much value; for instance, if one is seriously ill the time duration of illness is practically useless.

Time is money. Costs are related to the passage of time, such as interest on capital.

Time is also a measure of effort.

Even a few minutes of time can be of critical importance. Time lost is lost for ever and yet the easiest thing is to waste time.

We always tend to waste time and then regret that we are always short of time.

Time management is, therefore a vital aspect of management.

A Swiss gentleman summed up 65 years of his life as follows:-

(a) Spent in bed - 26 years
(b) Spent in Office/at work - 20 years
(c) Spent in eating - 6 years
(d) Spent in waiting - 6 years
(e) Spent in anger - 6 years
(f) Spent in toilet, bathing, shaving,
laughing, scolding children, blowing
nose and lighting cigar - 1 year

(g) No time apparently spent in
thinking, planning or achieving goals


Modes of Time

There are two modes of time for every person:

(a) Either you have a very “busy” mind, effectively employing human resources like working, thinking, remembering, reading, writing, watching, discussing, listening etc., in short, fully utilizing your senses. Here you are very busy and involved.

(b) Or at the other extreme, you have an “empty” mind – for example, whilst waiting for a bus or train, waiting for a doctor or friend, when you do not get sleep or listening to a boring speech or attending infructuous meetings – activities in which you are not interested or mentally involved but perforce have to be physically present.

In the first case time flies – you would say – “Oh. My God! One hour has passed. I thought just about 5 minutes have gone by.”

In the second case, imagine you are waiting for a doctor, or your friend at a Cinema Hall or awaiting a train, which is running late, at the railway station. You look right, then left, then at your watch. You curse your friend or the train for not coming on time. It seems ages. When the much-delayed person or train arrives at last, you shout “Why are you late? I am cooling my heels for hours.” Whereas actually only three or four minutes may have passed.

For a Busy Mind: Time Flies.
For a Empty Mind: Time Crawls.

Time Management

Time can be divided into three aspects for applying techniques of managing it:-

(a) Biological: Pertaining to bodily functions.
(b) Social: Pertaining to self, family and society.
(c) Professional: Pertaining to professional activities/time spent at work.

It is essential to maintain equilibrium between these three aspects. Any imbalance may prove to be detrimental to one’s physical and mental health and can adversely affect the individual in the long run.

It is essential, therefore, to allocate one’s time in balanced manner to the extent feasible to all these three aspects.

(a) Biological Time : Adopt the golden mean of moderation among:-
(i) Sleep
(ii) Food
(iii) Ablutions / Calls of nature
(iv) Sex / Recreation
(v) Physical Exercise

It is advantageous to establish regularity for all the above activities.

(b) Social Time : It is desirable to give time to yourself, your family and for society and the general guide lines are :

(i) Self development/self time – at least one hour per day should be kept for oneself for thinking, introspection, reading and other hobbies.

(ii) Family time – strong family ties and a happy domestic life are the foundations of success in both personal and professional life. One must spend some time with one’s family everyday and to co-ordinate activities of family members. Dinner time and after is suitable for this.

iii) Societal time – in order to live in society, one has to attend various social events like weddings, religious functions etc., where one is not the master of one’s own time. Social obligations may entail a substantial portion of time.

(c) Professional Time : In this aspect, if one is working, one does not really have a choice as working hours are generally fixed. The aim here is to optimally utilize the available time for maximum output/productivity and self satisfaction.

It is, therefore, essential to plan one’s work and that of the subordinates in an efficient manner and also identify “Time Wasters” and make efforts to eliminate/reduce them.

Examples of Time Wasters are –

(i) Infructuous meetings.
(ii) Poor communication [including unnecessary mobile phone calls].
(iii) Unwanted visitors
(iv) Disorganized work due to lack of clear cut priorities, “Fire Fighting”/Crisis Management, duplication of effort, confused responsibility and authority, ineffective delegation, indecision and, in general, failure of Management of Work.

The basic cause of time wastage at work can be classified as follows:-

(a) Over-staffing is common cause of wastage of time. Since most of the people do not have clearly defined work for the whole day, they often obstruct each other and create unnecessary problems. According to Peter Drucker – “If a Manager or Supervisor is spending more than 1/10th of his time on human relations, on disputes and quarrels, it is clear indication of over-staffing”.

(b) Time is wasted on account of faulty organization of work. Work is not planned sufficiently in advance.

(c) There is enormous wastage of time and effort due to various meetings often at various locations, which are not properly directed and drag on interminably and faulty inefficient communications.

(d) Time is often wasted because the relevant information is not readily available or the information available is inaccurate. Similarly collection, storage and dissemination of unnecessary information is wasteful.

Though one has to evolve one’s own technique of time management depending on the circumstances, the three cardinal principles are –

(a) Span of Attention
(b) Provision of time in adequate chunks.
(c) Concentration.

(a) Span of Attention : There is a natural limit to how long one can concentrate on a particular activity or task. This is called span of attention. For example – One cannot obviously work continuously for a long duration without loosing effectiveness. Working beyond one’s span of attention becomes counter-productive. Work begins to suffer badly. In planning work, this requirement must always be kept in view.

(b) Provisions of time in adequate chunks : If any important work is to be done, time must be made available in sufficiently large chunks. For example – If a job takes 20 minutes, it is of no use to allocate time at the rate of 5 minutes a day for 4 days. Time used in such driblets is utterly wasted. For important work one requires sufficient time at a stretch.

(c) Concentration: Concentration is essential for effective utilization of time. This as a matter of practice is necessary to avoid all interruptions. It is also necessary to focus attention on one task at a time.

Conclusion

Time Management is essentially a matter of self-discipline, though it is affected by external factors.

Your aim should be to identify and minimize both internal and external Time Wasters to the extent feasible. One has to cultivate the art of enjoying both essential work and leisure.

It is essential to maintain equilibrium between biological, social and professional time for improving one’s effectiveness.

In short: Time T = X + Y + Z,

where X = hard work; Y = play or rest; Z = keeping one’s mouth shut i.e. “Silence” for “Introspection”.




VIKRAM KARVE

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

http://www.ryze.com/go/karve

vikramkarve@sify.com


Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work

WHY YOU GET FRUSTRATED

PATHS TO FRUSTRATION

[Musings]

By

VIKRAM KARVE


Frustration can be a major cause of stress in your daily life and it may be worthwhile to ponder on the various reasons for your frustration.

Well, here is one.

People often become frustrated when they must choose between their personal desires and pleasing other people.

There are five basic ways people react in such situations of conflict between personal goals versus interpersonal relationships and each type of response can be a source of frustration.

EGOIST: First of all, a person may pursue his personal desires and forget about interpersonal relationships. The individual so described would be the EGOIST who cares little about stepping on others as long as he or she gets to the top of the ladder or achieves his or her personal goals. An Egoist’s frustration emanates from the displeasure of others. The others may outwardly smile at him because of his power but they secretly would like to “stab him in the back” and the egoist knows this and it inwardly pricks his conscience deep inside.

ALTRUIST: Second, a person may try to please everyone by setting aside his own aspirations. This individual is afflicted by “The Disease to Please” and is a person who can never say “NO”. His frustration results from lack of personal achievement and the realization that complete altruism is not always self-satisfying.

WHEELER-DEALER: Third, a person may try to achieve all his ambitions and simultaneously please everyone. This person is the typical “Wheeler-Dealer”. He is maximally frustrated, since it is virtually an impossible task to be all things to all people and please everyone, including his own self, all the time in all situations.

HERMIT: Fourth, a person may decide to be an ostrich and bury his head in the sand. This describes the HERMIT. He also becomes very frustrated because he achieves nothing and pleases no one, not even himself.

COMPROMISER: Fifth and finally, one may choose to go halfway. Such a person is the compromiser or the person who can’t seem to make up his mind. But even he is frustrated because he may sacrifice worthwhile personal goals or fail really to please some important people, since he has decided on a middle course.



WORK OUT YOUR OWN SOLUTION:

Dear Reader, sit in silent solitude, close your eyes, reflect, introspect, think of your recent situations of conflict between your personal desires and pleasing others.

Are you an egoist, altruist, wheeler-dealer, hermit or a compromiser?

Or are you somewhere in between?

Do you change with different personal desires and different people, or is your behaviour consistent with everyone?

You have to work out own solution; understanding yourself is the first step.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.


http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

vikramkarve@sify.com

HOW TO SELECT YOUR CAREER - A Value Based Approach

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HOW TO SELECT YOUR CAREER - A Value Based Approach

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BACK TO SQUARE ONE

ENLIGHTENMENT

[an apocryphal tale]

by

VIKRAM KARVE


A wise man seeking enlightenment, renounced worldly life, took a strict vow of celibacy which was a sine qua non for attaining enlightenment, and headed for the hills to live an ascetic existence of a hermit.

He found a secluded cave and began his simple contemplative meditative life surviving on natural wild vegetation in the forest and began his journey towards his quest for enlightenment.

One day he noticed holes in his robe and discovered that there were lots of rats in the cave who were chewing off his robes. The rats soon were nibbling at his toes disturbing his meditation.

Perplexed, he went down to town and consulted his Guru who said, “No problem. It’s simple. Just get a cat who will take care of the rats.” So our wise man bought a cat and took it up to his cave. The cat took care of the rats and the wise man was undisturbed in his quest for enlightenment.

A few days later the cat had eaten up all the rats, and famished, the cat started moaning with hunger. The constant moaning and crying of the cat again disturbed the wise man’s meditation and he again rushed to consult his Guru who advised him to acquire a cow whose milk would feed the cat and satiate its hunger.

Now the wise man would spend some time milking the cow, feeding the cat and then settle down for his meditation.

A few days later the cow stopped giving milk and mooed loudly. The cat too had started moaning again and disturbed by the moaning of the hungry cat and mooing of the starving cow the wise man ran to his Guru once again to seek his advice. The Guru gave him some seeds. The wise man planted the seeds which yielded food both for the cow and himself. But he now had to spend so much time tending to his garden, feeding and milking his cow, and giving milk to his cat, that he hardly got any time for meditation.

He rushed to his Guru who once again had a ready solution, “There is a young widow – poor thing she is destitute. She will look after everything and you can meditate in peace and attain enlightenment.”

It was a wonderful arrangement – the young widow looked after everything, the garden, cow and cat flourished, and the wise man was undisturbed in his quest for enlightenment.

One day it began to snow, the temperature fell to sub-zero, and the young widow started to shiver owing to the biting cold. Soon she could not bear the bitter cold any longer, so she snuggled into the wise man’s bed and tightly embraced him as that was the only way for her to keep warm.

Who can resist the tight embrace of an attractive woman in the prime of her life?

The vow of celibacy lay shattered and there ended the wise man’s quest for enlightenment.

And with all his new possessions [the cat, the cow, and the woman], he returned back to the material world from where he had began his journey towards enlightenment – the "wise" man was back to square one, much "wiser"!

Dear Reader, Read the story again, close your eyes and reflect on it. Carry the story around in your mind all day and allow its fragrance, its melody to haunt you. Create a silence within you and let the story reveal to you its inner depth and meaning. Let it speak to your heart, not to your brain, and suddenly you will feel a sense of mystical epiphany when you realize the wisdom of the story.

Now you are ready to apply the wisdom to your own life and experience the inner meaning of the story till it transforms you and puts you on the path to enlightenment.


VIKRAM KARVE

vikramkarve@sify.com

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/

HOW TO QUIT SMOKING - The NLP Way

HOW I QUIT SMOKING

By

VIKRAM KARVE



Whenever I undergo any training or course, I try and apply the concepts and skills I learn during the program upon myself in order to ascertain efficacy of the training for I firmly believe in the time-tested adage that “The Proof of the Pudding is in the Eating”.

Thus, the first thing I decided after completing NLP Practitioner Training was to try and apply the concepts I had learnt and imbibed on myself.

NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming. Sounds complicated and high falutin, isn’t it? Actually NLP is quite simple – let’s see how I applied it in my daily life.

At that point in time, I was a smoker. I had tried to quit smoking many times with little success. Now I’d try a simple concept from NLP to give up smoking.

I succeeded beyond my expectations and gave up smoking in a day.

I conquered the craving, the urge, for smoking and never suffered any “withdrawal symptoms”.

I quit smoking forever in one go.

Let me describe to you, Dear Reader, that red letter day of my life.

I woke up early in the morning, as usual, made a cup of tea, and the moment I took a sip of the piping hot delicious tea, I felt the familiar crave for my first cigarette of the day.

I had identified my first “Smoking - Anchor” – Tea.

I kept down the tempting cup of tea, made a note of the craving [anchor] in my diary, quickly heated a glass of water in the microwave oven, completed my ablutions, stepped out of my house, and embarked upon my customary morning constitutional brisk walk-cum-jog deeply rinsing and cleansing my lungs with pure refreshing morning air, which made me feel on top of the world.

I felt invigorated and happy. I had overcome my craving and not smoked my first cigarette of the day.

Returning refreshed from my brisk bracing morning walk, I stopped to pick up the newspaper, and spotted my friends ‘N’ and ‘S’ across the road beckoning me for our customary post-walk tête-à-tête with tea and cigarettes at our favorite the tea-stall.

Here lurked my second “Smoking - Anchor” – my smoker friends.

I felt tempted, but I steeled my resolve.

I waved out to my smoker friends, turned away and briskly headed home.

They must have thought I’d gone crazy, but it didn’t matter – I had avoided my second cigarette of the day.

That’s what I was going to do the entire day. Be aware, look inwards, fully cognizant and mindful in order to ensure that I identify all the stimuli that triggered in me the urge to smoke – my “smoking anchors” which could be anything, conscious and unconscious, internal and external, tangible or intangible – people, situations, events, feelings, smells, emotions, tendencies, moods, foods, social or organizational trends, practices, norms, peer-pressure.

Then I would conquer and triumph over these stimuli, demolish these negative “smoking-anchors” and establish and reinforce new positive “healthy” non-smoking anchors using a Technique called Force Field Analysis.

I’ll tell you more about Force Field Analysis later. You can read about this technique in my blog too:

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/11/force-field-analysis-an-effective-management-tool.htm


Dear Reader, read on and see how my first non-smoking day progressed.

After breakfast, I didn’t drink my usual cup of coffee – a strong “smoking anchor” which triggered in me a strong irresistible craving and desperate desire to smoke.

I drank a glass of cold bland milk instead, and thereby averted my third cigarette of the day.

It was nine as I reached my workplace and I had not smoked a single cigarette. Rather I had not smoked my customary three cigarettes!

It was a long day ahead and I had to be cognizant, observe myself inwardly and devise strategies to tackle situations that elicited craving for smoking – recognize and conquer my “smoking anchors”.

Anchoring is a naturally occurring phenomenon, a natural process that usually occurs without our awareness.

An anchor is any representation in the human nervous system that triggers any other representation.

Anchors can operate in any representational system (sight, sound, feeling, sensation, smell, taste).

You create an anchor when you unconsciously set up a stimulus-response pattern.

Response [smoking] becomes associated with [anchored to] some stimulus; in such a way that perception of the stimulus [the anchor] leads by reflex to the anchored response [smoking] occurring.

Repeated Stimulus–Response [SR] action reinforces anchors and this is a vicious circle, especially in the context of “smoking anchors”.

The trick is to identify your “smoking anchors”, become conscious of these anchors and ensure you do not activate them.

And then transcend from the SR Paradigm to the SHOR Paradigm to set and fire new positive anchors.

What’s SHOR?

SHOR stands for Stimulus-Hypothesis-Options-Response – do read the article on SHOR Paradigm in my blog:

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/09/the-shor-paradigm.htm


The moment I reached office I saw my colleague ‘B’ eagerly waiting for me, as he did every day.

Actually the freeloader was eagerly waiting to bum a cigarette off me for his first smoke of the day. “I only smoke other’s cigarettes” was his motto!

I politely told him I had quit smoking and told him to look for a cigarette elsewhere.

He looked at me in disbelief; taunted, jeered and badgered me a bit, but when I stood firm, he disappeared.

I had not smoked my fourth cigarette of the day!

I removed from my office my ashtray, my lighter, all vestiges of smoking, declared the entire place a no-smoking zone and put up signs to that effect.

The working day began. It was a tough and stressful working day. I was tired and suddenly my boss called me across to his office and offered me a cigarette.

I looked at the cigarette pack yearningly, tempted, overcome by a strong craving, desperate to have just that “one” cigarette.

Nothing like a “refreshing” smoke to drive my blues away and revitalize me – the “panacea” to my “stressed-out” state!

It was now or never!

I politely excused myself on the pretext of going to the toilet, but rushed out onto the terrace and took a brisk walk rinsing my lungs with fresh air, and by the time I returned I had lost the craving to smoke and realized that physical exercise is probably the best antidote – a positive “non-smoking” anchor – and, of course,

I had not smoked my fifth cigarette of the day!

It was the famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus who said:

“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and cannot control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.”

We often let our feelings set our anchors, govern our lives. We let feelings drive our thoughts, not realizing that thoughts drive actions, actions produce results, and results in turn produce more feelings, reinforce anchors, causing a vicious circle which may ultimately lead to loss of self-control.

Such “feeling-anchors” not totally controllable, as many times feelings are produced by external circumstances beyond your control, and if negative feelings are allowed to drive our thoughts and actions, then undesirable results emanate.

The best solution is to establish “thought-anchors” as drivers of your actions.

It is well within your control to think positive, good and interesting thoughts.

In fact, the happiest person is the one who thinks the most interesting and good thoughts, isn’t it?

That’s the essence of NLP.

Reprogram your anchors, recondition your mind, control your own life, change for the better, enhance your health and happiness, and elevate your plane of living.

This technique works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too.

Maybe it is so effective because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@sify.com

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

STRESS MANAGEMENT

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

AVOID STRESS, BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY

by

VIKRAM KARVE


In my opinion the term “Stress Management” is an oxymoron.

First you create stress within yourself, and then try to “manage” it.

Funny, isn’t it?

Why not prevent stress in the first place? Focus on “stress prevention” rather than “stress management”.

Let’s try one way how to do this.

Long back, sometime in the 1960’s, when I was a small boy, my father took me to visit Belur Math, and there I acquired a tiny pocket book called “Thus Spake Vivekananda”. Whenever the chips were down, or I felt dejected, I referred to the inspiring gems of wisdom, distilled from the complete works of Swami Vivekanada, for instant motivation and strength. Here’s one of those gems of wisdom [a phrase from the sayings of Swami Vivekananda]:

Anything that makes you weak physically, intellectually, and spiritually, reject as poison.

I feel that the word “weak” is all encompassing and embraces anything that creates in you a stressful situation like all negative emotions and feelings including anger, irritation, infuriation, frustration, despondency, depression, demoralization, unhappiness – anything that disturbs your inner tranquility and equanimity, drains you emotionally and intellectually, besides literal physical weakness.

Oh yes, Stress is weakness, Stress is Poison!

Now sit down in a quiet tranquil place, close your eyes, introspect, and try to think of all the things that make you feel negative – all your stress-creators and stressful situations. These can be anything – toxic or incompatible persons, who irritate, annoy and hassle you, foods and beverages which don’t suit you and are physically detrimental, activities, which may appear pleasurable, but actually drain you out, technology and gadgets, like your cell-phone, which disturb your peace of mind, and strained relationships, which are a source of stress. Make an exhaustive list of all the things that make you “weak” and try to reject them as “poison”.

At first you may be a bit skeptical about this approach, but when you start implementing, you’ll be surprised how much it is in your own control to prevent stress.

While you reject the things that make you weak, you must also reinforce the things that make you feel "strong" and positive.

So simultaneously, reflect and contemplate, and make a list of things which give you strength and joy, make you happy and productive – all the things and people that create positive feelings in you – and try to devote as much time and energy to these positive things that give you strength and make you feel good.

This technique of stress prevention works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too, and is so effective, probably because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.



VIKRAM KARVE

vikramkarve@sify.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve