Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Art of Living made Simple

THE IMPORTANCE OF LIVING
A Happy and Carefree Philosophy of Life
By
VIKRAM KARVE  

There is one book you will never find in my bookcase – you will always find it by my bedside near my pillow. At night, just before I go to sleep, I open this book to any random page, and read on till I drift off to blissful idyllic sleep.
 
The name of this book, which has had a profound defining effect on me, maybe even subconsciously shaped my philosophy of life, is called: The Importance of Living written in 1937 by the Chinese philosopher Lin Yutang.
 
But first, let me tell you a story, maybe apocryphal, about a scholar who had thoroughly studied the Bhagavad Gita for many years, and who considered himself an expert, and traveled far and wide delivering discourses on the teachings of the Gita and was widely acknowledged as an authority on the subject.

The scholar's ultimate desire was to deliver a discourse on the Bhagavad Gita at Benares, which was the sanctum sanctorum of learning.
 
So he went to Benares, and impressed by the scholar’s erudition and fame, the King of Benares invited the scholar to deliver a discourse on the Bhagavad Gita in his court.

All the wise men of Benares assembled to hear the Scholar, but just as he began to speak the King interrupted him and told him to read the Bhagavad Gita one more time in the evening and deliver his discourse the next day.

The Scholar was furious but he had no choice but to comply with the king’s wishes.
 
As he read the Bhagavad Gita with full concentration in the evening, he realized some new meanings and updated his speech accordingly.

Next day the same thing happened – the moment the scholar began to speak the King interrupted him and told him to read the Gita once more and then come the next day to give his lecture.

And again as the Scholar read the Gita he comprehended some new wisdom – something he hadn’t perceived before. So he incorporated his new findings and proceeded to deliver his talk.
 
Once again the same thing happened – the king interrupted him and told him to read the Gita once more before he gave his discourse. And again the scholar discovered some new wisdom in the Gita.

This cycle went on for days and days till the scholar realized how ignorant he was and how much more there was to learn from the Bhagavad Gita that he gave up the idea of delivering the discourse and decided to totally devote his entire efforts to the study of the Bhagavad Gita.
 
Days passed, and suddenly one morning, when the scholar was deeply immersed in his study, the King went to the scholar’s house, sat before him with folded hands and requested the scholar to enlighten him about the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita.
 
It’s the same with any great book.

Every time you read it, something new emerges, and you realize you have so much more to learn from it.
 
Now let me tell you about The Importance of Living, my favourite book, a philosophical treatise that enriched my life and taught me the Art of Living.
 
Title: THE IMPORTANCE OF LIVING
Author: LIN YUTANG
Published: 1937 (New York, USA); Indian Edition: 1960 JAICO Mumbai
ISBN: 81-7224-829

I have read The Importance of Living innumerable times, again and again, with renewed pleasure, and every time I read it I imbibe a special different philosophical flavor, and grasp new wisdom, which delves on all aspects of the art of living, and I have realized that there is more significance and value in Lin Yutang’s magnum opus than I am capable of appreciating.

So let me not be as presumptuous as to attempt to evaluate this classic treatise – I’ll just try to gently pilot you along in random vignettes to give you a flavor of this delightful philosophical gem.
 
Let’s open this delightful book to a few random pages, read some lines to give you glimpse into the wisdom on the art of living contained in this masterpiece.

In the section on Leisure and Friendship are these words: “Only those who take leisurely what the people of the world are busy about can be busy about what the people of the world take leisurely”.

Reflect on this, let these words perambulate in your mind for some time. There is nothing that man enjoys more than leisure.

The highest value of time is when you are doing what you love and want to do. During leisure you are free to choose what you want to do and enjoy doing.

Leisure enables you to realize the highest value of your time!


Tell me, why do you work?

Is it for job satisfaction, "on the job"?

Or is it to earn money "on the job" so that you can enjoy satisfaction "off the job", to enhance the quality of your free time?

In fact, most of us work for our leisure, because there is nothing we enjoy more than leisure.

Elaborating on a theory of leisure the book says: “Time is useful because it is not being used. Leisure is like unoccupied floor space in a room…it is that unoccupied space which makes a room habitable, as it is our leisure hours which make our life endurable”. 
 
 
Those who are wise won’t be busy, and those who are too busy can’t be wise.
 
Enunciating the distinction between Buddhism and Taoism: “The goal of the Buddhist is that he shall not want anything, while the goal of the Taoist is that he shall not be wanted at all”, the author describes the tremendous advantages of obscurity, and deduces that only he who is not wanted by the public can be a carefree individual.

It is true isn’t it – only he who is a carefree individual can be a happy human being?

Lin Yutang deliberates delightfully on his philosophical view: “Nothing matters to a man who says nothing matters”.

“How are we to live? How shall we enjoy life, and who can best enjoy life?”

The feast of life is before us; the only question is what appetite we have for it.
 
 
The appetite is vital, not the feast.

This delightful treatise gives us insights on how to develop, enhance and refine our appetites in order to enjoy various facets of living.

The capacity for true enjoyment comes from an inner richness in a man who loves the simple ways of life.

There is always plenty of life to enjoy for a man who is determined to enjoy it.   
 

You may find some of the author’s views a bit passé – “mere relationship between man and woman is not sufficient; the relationship must result in babies, or it is incomplete” or “woman reaches her noblest status only as a mother, and that wife who by choice refuses to become a mother… loses a great part of her dignity…and stands in danger of becoming a plaything” or “a natural man loves his children, but a cultured man loves his parents” or “The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild” or “It is against the will of God to eat delicate food hastily, to pass gorgeous views hurriedly, to express deep sentiments superficially, to pass a beautiful day steeped in food and drink, and to enjoy your wealth steeped in luxuries” – think about it, reflect a bit, and you may detect a iota of authenticity in these nuggets.
 
The book has fourteen chapters, embellished with epigrams, teaching stories, ancient wisdom and wit, on various aspects of the importance and enjoyment of living and once you start reading it this book is indeed so engrossing that it is truly unputdownable.

The Importance of Loafing, The Enjoyment of the Home, Nature, Travel, Culture, The Arts of Thinking, Eating, Reading, Writing, Loving, Happiness – the range and variety of topics covered indeed make fascinating reading.
 
Reading is the greatest of all joys. Extolling the virtues and charm of reading, Lin Yutang says: “The man who has not the habit of reading is imprisoned in his immediate world…the reader is always carried away into a world of thought and reflection”, and on writing: “a writing is always better when it is one’s own, and a woman is always lovelier when she is somebody else’s wife”. 

“He who is afraid to use an ‘I’ in his writing will never make a good writer” and “anyone who reads a book with a sense of obligation does not understand the art of reading… to be thoroughly enjoyed, reading must be entirely spontaneous…you can leave the books that you don’t like alone, and let other people read them!”
 
The best way to read The Importance of Living is to open any page and browse whatever appeals to you, randomly, in an unstructured and haphazard manner.

Think of yourself as a traveler in the philosophical or spiritual domain.

The essence of travel is to have no destination. 

A good traveler is one who does not know where he is going to; a perfect traveler does not know where he came from! 

A true traveler is always a vagabond – he travels to see nothing, to see nobody, with plenty of time and leisure, with the true motive to become lost and unknown.
 
Are you the ambitious competitive go-getter obsessed with an overpowering desire for achieving quick success – craving for power, wealth, fame, and the status and money-oriented aspects of life?

Do you value material possessions more than peace of mind?
 
Is external achievement more important than inner tranquility?
 
If your answer to any of the questions is “Yes”, then please don’t bother to read this book now, as you may be too “busy” in your own competitive rat race of your own making and probably you don’t have any time to “waste” on anything that doesn’t give you something tangible in return – a solid material ROI (Return on Investment) for investing your valuable time and effort reading this book.

But please don’t forget to read The Importance of Living after you’ve burned out, had a heart attack or suffered a nervous breakdown – when you’ll have plenty of time and, perhaps, the inclination, to reflect, contemplate, and delve more deeply upon the more intangible philosophical aspects of life – and ruminate on how you could have obviated that stressful burn-out, agonizing heart attack or traumatic nervous breakdown.

Here’s Lin Yutang’s take: “Those who are wise won’t be busy, and those who are too busy can’t be wise.”
 
If you are happy here and now, wherever you are, in whatever state you are, and you are truly content with what you have, you place living above thinking, and are interested in savoring the feast of life and its joys, then this witty philosophical treatise on the art of living in its entirety is the book for you.
 
The Importance of Living presents an uncomplicated approach to living life to its fullest in today's rapidly changing, fast paced, competitive, ambition dominated, money and status oriented, commercialized world, enabling each one of us to enjoy inner peace and happiness.
 
Sometimes, it is a great pity to read a good book too early in life. 
The first impression is the one that counts.

Young people should be careful in their reading, as old people in eating their food. They should not eat too much. They should chew it well.

Like you should eat gourmet food only when you are ready for it, you should read a good book only when you are ready for it.

Mature wisdom cannot be appreciated until one becomes mature.
 
But The Importance of Living is a book for all ages.

Of 1937 vintage, an ancestor and precursor of modern "self-help" books, it is a delightful philosophical treatise, which advocates a humorous and vagabond attitude towards life and deals with a variety of topics encompassing the art of living.

Is such a happy and carefree philosophy of life relevant today?
 
Why don’t you give it a try and see for yourself.

Slowly, unhurriedly, relaxingly, thoroughly, do peruse this classic masterpiece, absorb the witty wisdom, reflect, try out, practice and incorporate whatever appeals to you in your daily life, ruminate, experiment, enjoy yourself, have a laugh, change your lifestyle, enhance your quality of life, elevate your plane of living, and maybe your entire way of life may change forever.
 
Dear Reader, I commend this delightfully illuminating book.

Though enunciated with a touch of humor, the thoughts are profound.

Do get a copy of The Importance of Living and read it leisurely.

I am sure you will find a copy at your nearest bookstore or in your library.

And don’t forget to tell us how you liked it, and whether it changed your way of life for the better.
 
 
VIKRAM KARVE 
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2010
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

 
 
VIKRAM KARVE educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU, Lawrence School Lovedale, and Bishop's School Pune, is an Electronics and Communications Engineer by profession, a Human Resource Manager and Trainer by occupation, a Teacher by vocation, a Creative Writer by inclination and a Foodie by passion. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. His delicious foodie blogs have been compiled in a book "Appetite for a Stroll". Vikram lives in Pune with his family and pet Doberman girl Sherry, with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.
 
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog -  http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com  
Academic Journal Vikram Karve –  http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile of Vikram Karve -  http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve 
 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Monday, July 20, 2009

DOG PHILOSOPHY and ART OF LIVING



SHERRY FETCHING THE NEWSPAPER FOR ME

My Friend, Philosopher and Guide

SHERRY & THE ART OF LIVING
Food for Thought
By

VIKRAM KARVE

If you want to learn the Art of Living just observe the way animals live and react to situations.

For me, my pet Doberman girl Sherry is my best teacher in the Art of Living.
Please see her picture with me alongside and above, fetching the morning newspaper from the compound gate for me. As you can see Sherry is DobermanX – the “X” factor is probably a Rampur Hound.
Sherry behaves spontaneously, joyfully, based on her inner instinct.

She plays, she barks, she chases, she eats and she sleeps in accordance with her natural instinct.

Sherry doesn’t need to go to gym [for physical fitness] or a therapist [for mental fitness].

Sherry is not a Goal Oriented person. She is an Inner Resource Oriented person – in short, a Source Oriented person.

Conventional wisdom teaches us to become goal-oriented. From childhood there are goals set for us to achieve, and when we achieve one goal there is always another goal waiting for us – it is an endless pursuit, a chase which never culminates.

We are taught that a goal oriented person is a person who always succeeds in life. But is there a final destination of success? Do you ever reach your final goal?

Goals are always outside you, goals are in the future, far away from you. Your goals are not in your control. If you design your lifestyle in such a way that your happiness depends on things outside you, things in the future and not in your control, then you may find happiness elusive and you may never be truly content and happy. If you are too result-oriented – you’ll always be chasing horizons.

Remember, if you run after something it runs away from you, and, conversely, if you run away from something it runs after you – so stop running and life a more Source-Oriented life.

Look inwards, discover and harness your inner resources, act instinctively and you will realize your full creative potential.

Like Sherry, you will live spontaneously, unpredictably, act on the spur of the moment and experience the joy of the glorious uncertainties of life rather than get frustrated by them.

You will live a more stress free life too. Have you seen wild animals suffering from stress? [Maybe some domesticated pet animals are stressed-out because we humans put stress on them by imposing our “goals” and demands on the poor hapless pets].

We have become so preoccupied with achieving success that our lives are always heading towards something in the future. In the process, we lose touch with the aliveness and delight of the present. Sherry does not worry about the future, about achieving future goals, but live in the present.

Sherry does not live in the past either. She is very forgiving – even if I scold her, which I never need to do, she is back to her cheerful self in a jiffy and doesn’t hold any grudges either.
Anger is a reality. It happens inside us. Goal Oriented behaviour may result in us suppressing our anger creating stress within us.

Here is a lesson I got one morning from Sherry in Anger Management by Source Oriented living.

Our spacious bungalow, located high up on a hill slope, affords a beautiful panoramic view of the verdant wide green expanse of Girinagar all around.
This morning while we strolled on our lawn sipping rejuvenating cups of piping hot amruttulya tea in the lovely mist and slight drizzle, I noticed Sherry standing alert at the bungalow gate looking intently, focussing on something outside, and gradually getting angry, as evident from her focussed eyes, slow growls, heightened breathing, stiff upright tail and vivid line of hair standing taut on the centre of her neck and back, hackles raised.

I walked towards the gate and looked outside – the object of her attention was a huge white cat that was walking nonchalantly towards the gate, almost defiantly. The moment the cat came close, Sherry suddenly lost her temper, started barking, violently jumping, infuriated with anger, desperately pleading with me to open the gate. The cat stopped dead in her tracks and crouched, and I knew that if I let Sherry out, she would desperately, frenziedly chase the cat down the hill, and if she caught the cat, there would ensue a violent fight to the finish, and most likely it would be the cat who would be finished.

So I just walked away and Sherry realized that I wasn’t going to open the gate, went so wild with rage, that she ran amok, running wildly all round the spacious compound, taking high speed runs, jumping over hedges, barking, chasing, leaping at birds, running fast at top speed round and round the bungalow, till she was totally exhausted, after which she went to her water bowl, lapped up cold soothing water, and lay down on her rug in a cosy manner, calm, tranquil, totally relaxed, her anger totally dissipated and dissolved into peaceful serenity.

That’s what one must do when angry, isn’t it? If you do get angry, get totally and physically angry and dissipate your anger - don't supress your anger.
Let me tell you it works - the moment you sense anger rising within you start exercising, run, jog, take a brisk walk, dance, move your limbs, sway, do something.
Spontaneously do some physical activity till your anger dissipates and exhausts itself into a state of calm.

So, Dear Reader, the next time you start getting angry, do what Sherry does – just start running till your anger disappears and you collapse into a cosy state of peaceful calm and tranquillity.

There is a lot to learn about the “Art of Living” from our animal friends, isn’t it?

So just behave naturally, spontaneously, doing you’re your inner voice and instinct tells you, observe fauna and flora around you, and most importantly, get a pet dog and make him or her your friend, philosopher and guide.

I’ll end with a quote on dogs from Sigmund Freud:

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate in their object-relations -- Sigmund Freud

So here is a Bow Wow – and may you live a more doglike life!

VIKRAM KARVE

Monday, July 13, 2009

Get Rid of Frustration

PATHS TO FRUSTRATION

[Musings]

By

VIKRAM KARVE


Frustration can be a major cause of stress in your daily life and it may be worthwhile to ponder on the various reasons for your frustration.

Well, here is one.

People often become frustrated when they must choose between their personal desires and pleasing other people.

There are five basic ways people react in such situations of conflict between personal goals versus interpersonal relationships and each type of response can be a source of frustration.

EGOIST: First of all, a person may pursue his personal desires and forget about interpersonal relationships. The individual so described would be the EGOIST who cares little about stepping on others as long as he or she gets to the top of the ladder or achieves his or her personal goals. An Egoist’s frustration emanates from the displeasure of others. The others may outwardly smile at him because of his power but they secretly would like to “stab him in the back” and the egoist knows this and it inwardly pricks his conscience deep inside.

ALTRUIST: Second, a person may try to please everyone by setting aside his own aspirations. This individual is afflicted by “The Disease to Please” and is a person who can never say “NO”. His frustration results from lack of personal achievement and the realization that complete altruism is not always self-satisfying.

WHEELER-DEALER: Third, a person may try to achieve all his ambitions and simultaneously please everyone. This person is the typical “Wheeler-Dealer”. He is maximally frustrated, since it is virtually an impossible task to be all things to all people and please everyone, including his own self, all the time in all situations.

HERMIT: Fourth, a person may decide to be an ostrich and bury his head in the sand. This describes the HERMIT. He also becomes very frustrated because he achieves nothing and pleases no one, not even himself.

COMPROMISER: Fifth and finally, one may choose to go halfway. Such a person is the compromiser or the person who can’t seem to make up his mind. But even he is frustrated because he may sacrifice worthwhile personal goals or fail really to please some important people, since he has decided on a middle course.



WORK OUT YOUR OWN SOLUTION:

Dear Reader, sit in silent solitude, close your eyes, reflect, introspect, think of your recent situations of conflict between your personal desires and pleasing others.

Are you an egoist, altruist, wheeler-dealer, hermit or a compromiser?

Or are you somewhere in between?

Do you change with different personal desires and different people, or is your behaviour consistent with everyone?

You have to work out own solution; understanding yourself is the first step.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.


http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

vikramkarve@sify.com

How to get a Good Friend

Agape Love – If You need a Friend get a Dog

By

VIKRAM KARVE


I still remember the apt quote from Gordon Gekko [Michael Douglas] in the classic movie “Wall Street”: If you need a friend, get a dog.

It is true – if you need a genuine loving friend just get a dog.

Tell me, what is the highest form of love?

I’ll tell you, it is called Agape Love – the totally pure and selfless love of one person for another.

Do you want to experience this highest form of love, agape love?

Simple, just get yourself a pet dog, a nice cute little puppy, and make a commitment to look after it as your own child.

You will learn The Art of Friendship from your dog.

There is nothing to surpass the strong affection, warm attachment, unselfish loyalty, total trust and true friendship of a pet dog who will love you unconditionally for its entire life.

You will love to come home to the enthusiastic greeting and genuine welcome that your dog will give you each time you return home which will fill you with love and joy.

Your pet dog will give you loyal jovial companionship and unquestioning affection forever, fill you with buoyant happiness and your life will become bright and breezy.

Remember, your girlfriend or boyfriend may dump you, your spouse may divorce you, your children may abandon you, your parents may disown you, your relatives may distance themselves from you, your colleagues may shun you, your neighbours may ostracize you, but your dog will always love you, be loyal to you and never leave your side – yes, you may get rid of your dog, but your dog will always love you and never leave you of its own accord.

In fact, investing your time and love in your dog is much more rewarding than wasting time, money and emotional effort indulging in unrequited romances and infructuous relationships.

Once the dog joins your family, invest your love and time to build a special bond that only a dog can offer and see how your dog makes you learn and practice the Art of Loving and the Art of Friendship.

Just go ahead. Get a pet dog. You’ll be happy you did and your life will change forever.

There is plenty of choice – whether you live in the city or the mofussil, in an apartment or bungalow, whatever your lifestyle, age and state of health, there is always a type of dog which will suit your personality and lifestyle. I’ll tell you more about that later – on what type of dog will suit your lifestyle.

Bow Wow!

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@sify.com

Saturday, June 6, 2009

STRESS - Avoid it

COPING WITH STRESS

by

VIKRAM KARVE


First you create stress within yourself, and then try to “manage” it.

Funny, isn’t it?

Why not prevent stress in the first place? Focus on “stress prevention” rather than “stress management”.

Here is a tip on coping with stress.

Long back, sometime in the 1960’s, when I was a small boy, my father took me to visit Belur Math, and there I acquired a tiny pocket book called “Thus Spake Vivekananda”.

Whenever the chips were down, or I felt dejected, I referred to the inspiring gems of wisdom, distilled from the complete works of Swami Vivekanada, for instant motivation and strength.

Here’s one of those gems of wisdom [a phrase from the sayings of Swami Vivekananda]:

Anything that makes you weak physically, intellectually, and spiritually, reject as poison.

I feel that the word “weak” is all encompassing and embraces anything that creates in you a stressful situation like all negative emotions and feelings including anger, irritation, infuriation, frustration, despondency, depression, demoralization, unhappiness – anything that disturbs your inner tranquility and equanimity, drains you emotionally and intellectually, besides literal physical weakness.

Oh yes, Stress is weakness, Stress is Poison!

Now sit down in a quiet tranquil place, close your eyes, introspect, and try to think of all the things that make you feel negative – all your stress-creators and stressful situations. These stress-creators and stress facilitators can be a variety of things:Toxic or incompatible persons, who irritate, annoy and hassle you, Foods and beverages which don’t suit you and are physically detrimental, Stressful activities, which initially may appear pleasurable, but actually drain you out, and many avoidable Stress Creating Situations,Technology and gadgets, like your cell-phone, which disturb your peace of mind,Strained relationships, which are a source of stress,and many more such things - just sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and think of all the things and entities that create or foster stree in you. Make an exhaustive list of all the things that make you “weak” and try to reject them as “poison”.

At first you may be a bit skeptical about this approach, but when you start implementing, you’ll be surprised how much it is in your own control to prevent stress.While you reject the things that make you weak, you must also reinforce the things that make you feel "strong" and positive.

So simultaneously, reflect and contemplate, and make a list of things which give you strength and joy, make you happy and productive – all the things and people that create positive feelings in you – and try to devote as much time and energy to these positive things that give you strength and make you feel good.

When you spend most of your time doing "happiness-creating" activities and try to be in the company of persons who make you feel happy, things that make you feel "strong", you will be infused with positive feelings of joy and there will be no place for stress to enter your life, at least in those joyful moments.

This technique of stress prevention works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too.You will realise that this way of conquering stress and banishing it from your life is so effective probably because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.


VIKRAM KARVE

mailto:vikramkarve@sify.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

WHY YOU GET FRUSTRATED

PATHS TO FRUSTRATION

[Musings]

By

VIKRAM KARVE


Frustration can be a major cause of stress in your daily life and it may be worthwhile to ponder on the various reasons for your frustration.

Well, here is one.

People often become frustrated when they must choose between their personal desires and pleasing other people.

There are five basic ways people react in such situations of conflict between personal goals versus interpersonal relationships and each type of response can be a source of frustration.

EGOIST: First of all, a person may pursue his personal desires and forget about interpersonal relationships. The individual so described would be the EGOIST who cares little about stepping on others as long as he or she gets to the top of the ladder or achieves his or her personal goals. An Egoist’s frustration emanates from the displeasure of others. The others may outwardly smile at him because of his power but they secretly would like to “stab him in the back” and the egoist knows this and it inwardly pricks his conscience deep inside.

ALTRUIST: Second, a person may try to please everyone by setting aside his own aspirations. This individual is afflicted by “The Disease to Please” and is a person who can never say “NO”. His frustration results from lack of personal achievement and the realization that complete altruism is not always self-satisfying.

WHEELER-DEALER: Third, a person may try to achieve all his ambitions and simultaneously please everyone. This person is the typical “Wheeler-Dealer”. He is maximally frustrated, since it is virtually an impossible task to be all things to all people and please everyone, including his own self, all the time in all situations.

HERMIT: Fourth, a person may decide to be an ostrich and bury his head in the sand. This describes the HERMIT. He also becomes very frustrated because he achieves nothing and pleases no one, not even himself.

COMPROMISER: Fifth and finally, one may choose to go halfway. Such a person is the compromiser or the person who can’t seem to make up his mind. But even he is frustrated because he may sacrifice worthwhile personal goals or fail really to please some important people, since he has decided on a middle course.



WORK OUT YOUR OWN SOLUTION:

Dear Reader, sit in silent solitude, close your eyes, reflect, introspect, think of your recent situations of conflict between your personal desires and pleasing others.

Are you an egoist, altruist, wheeler-dealer, hermit or a compromiser?

Or are you somewhere in between?

Do you change with different personal desires and different people, or is your behaviour consistent with everyone?

You have to work out own solution; understanding yourself is the first step.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.


http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@hotmail.com

vikramkarve@sify.com

Sunday, January 4, 2009

STRESS MANAGEMENT

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

AVOID STRESS, BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY

by

VIKRAM KARVE


In my opinion the term “Stress Management” is an oxymoron.

First you create stress within yourself, and then try to “manage” it.

Funny, isn’t it?

Why not prevent stress in the first place? Focus on “stress prevention” rather than “stress management”.

Let’s try one way how to do this.

Long back, sometime in the 1960’s, when I was a small boy, my father took me to visit Belur Math, and there I acquired a tiny pocket book called “Thus Spake Vivekananda”. Whenever the chips were down, or I felt dejected, I referred to the inspiring gems of wisdom, distilled from the complete works of Swami Vivekanada, for instant motivation and strength. Here’s one of those gems of wisdom [a phrase from the sayings of Swami Vivekananda]:

Anything that makes you weak physically, intellectually, and spiritually, reject as poison.

I feel that the word “weak” is all encompassing and embraces anything that creates in you a stressful situation like all negative emotions and feelings including anger, irritation, infuriation, frustration, despondency, depression, demoralization, unhappiness – anything that disturbs your inner tranquility and equanimity, drains you emotionally and intellectually, besides literal physical weakness.

Oh yes, Stress is weakness, Stress is Poison!

Now sit down in a quiet tranquil place, close your eyes, introspect, and try to think of all the things that make you feel negative – all your stress-creators and stressful situations. These can be anything – toxic or incompatible persons, who irritate, annoy and hassle you, foods and beverages which don’t suit you and are physically detrimental, activities, which may appear pleasurable, but actually drain you out, technology and gadgets, like your cell-phone, which disturb your peace of mind, and strained relationships, which are a source of stress. Make an exhaustive list of all the things that make you “weak” and try to reject them as “poison”.

At first you may be a bit skeptical about this approach, but when you start implementing, you’ll be surprised how much it is in your own control to prevent stress.

While you reject the things that make you weak, you must also reinforce the things that make you feel "strong" and positive.

So simultaneously, reflect and contemplate, and make a list of things which give you strength and joy, make you happy and productive – all the things and people that create positive feelings in you – and try to devote as much time and energy to these positive things that give you strength and make you feel good.

This technique of stress prevention works for me, and I’m sure it’ll work for you too, and is so effective, probably because it is so breathtaking in its simplicity.



VIKRAM KARVE


vikramkarve@sify.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve